Thursday, August 16, 2007

Sometimes Psych Wards Are Necessary

Jonathan Lee Riches, an inmate in a South Carolina prison, is filing a lawsuit against Michael Vick, and another against Barry Bonds, Bud Selig (MLB Commissioner), and Hank Aaron's bat (yes, just Aaron's bat).

Riches is suing Vick for $63 Billion, and he claims that Vick uses Riches' "copyrighted name" on merchandise, stole his pit bulls for dogfighting, then sold the dogs on eBay so he could purchase missiles from Iran. He also states that Vick pledged allegience to al-Qaeda, used drugs in schools zones, is involved in illegal steroid rings, and subjected Riches to "microwave testing".

In his suit against Bonds/Selig/Aaron's bat (for $42 million), he claims that Selig has supplied Bonds with steroids for 9 years under the supervision of Sammy Sosa in an attempt to raise baseball ratings, that Bonds uses Aaron's corked bat, which has secret chambers where Bonds stashes his HGH supplements that he takes in the batter's box (I think he means "on-deck circle"), that Bonds made threats against him and was responsible for Riches being indicted in Houston, Texas because Riches threatened to expose Bonds and Selig. He also stated that Bonds bench-pressed him against his will to "show off in front of his ballpark buddies" and sold steroids to nuns. He also states that Bonds used Aaron's bat to crack the liberty bell. Next, he states that Bonds sent hitmen to his home to steal Aaron's bat in 1998 after he "won" it at a Sotheby's auction. He then states that Bonds sold mustard gas to Saddam Hussein, fixed several games...including games 5, 6, and 7 of the 2002 World Series, and that Bonds has illegally used Riches' name.

To quote Don King..."Only in America".

Read the hand-written documents against Vick here, and Bonds/Selig/Bat here.

(h/t Barticles)


Ontario Emperor said...

Riches also entered a previous lawsuit against a ton of people and things, ranging from George W. Bush to the Magna Carta.

Phil Chroniger said...

I begin to think that the man may not be crazy, but simply figures that if he throws out enough allegations against enough people...something is bound to be true.

Eh, who am I kidding...the guy is looney.

zen said...

This is the kind of stuff that made the supermarket tabloids so awesome. There's the tiniest, slimest hint of truth to some of the allegations.

yojoe said...

The same inmate has sued LaBron James and MJ.