Chuck Norris Outlines his Presidential Campaign Promises

I kid you not, read this.

Ok, ok...so it is a farce. However, the fact that Norris wrote this himself further enhances his "baddest man on the planet" status. Just so you know, Norris is a solid conservative, and a pretty funny guy. Here are a few of Norris's campaign promises:

- Cut spending by dismissing the Secret Service, at least for my eight years in office (why would I need them?).

- Give a presidential pardon to … no one, ever. Baretta was right in the '70s, "Don't do the crime, if you can't do the time. Don't do it!"

-Turn the Rose Garden into a new fighting ring for the World Combat League, in which liberals and conservatives will fight for legislative leadership and priority. (For fun, Saturday night fights will feature a recurring bout between Hannity and Colmes). "American Idol" already told me they will provide the entertainment.

- Increase jobs in America by sending ninja teams to sabotage and steal them back from other countries.

- Convey my plan for world peace to the United Nations: taking the governor of California with me on our "kick butt and ask questions later" USO world tour.

- Bring on Donald Trump as my apprentice. When my presidential term is complete and he has obtained his black belt, or whichever comes first, he can buy the White House and of course rename it (to, what else, "The Trump House").

However, Norris has two promises he places above all...

- Personally smoke out bin Laden by myself and round-house kick him all the way back to America, where my United Fighting Arts Federation will handle the justice issues.

- Make all Chuck Norris facts come true (well, not quite all of them – I'm a happily, married man!)

Awesome. Totally Awesome.